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Who wants a Christmas Card for this year?

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Merry 2011!

Quieter Day
Back to relative normalcy.

I delivered about twenty-four minutes of video footage to a friend of his recent sports game. he was very appreciative of it and tried to give me two dead computers and two t-shirts that didn't fit. Haha. later that evening i went out to a friend's pool tournament where i met his old single white dude friends and felt incredibly bored. then i took him out to dinner as he only had three bucks after buying a waitress a eight dollar meal from a restaurant next door. it felt weird since he works 30 hrs a week at 10 and i havn't gotten any hours in the past two weeks at my 20 hrs a week at 7.50 job. i also met a woman at the pool tournament who wanted to forward my resume to a nearby municipality that might be hiring.

i've gone to two locations within transportation distance, one is a restaurant and would hire me at 9 if i worked nights and weekends, the other is a gas station where i can't get to the manager to get a interview. my mom wants me to go put an application in to work in NY for a bunch of pro-lifer catholics.

Welcomed Back In
So last night my parents made me go to a church service where I was 'delivered' from playing online role playing and writing novels or romantic smut over the internet. Now that I was 'delivered' they were supposed to be all nice to me and everything. God help me to be finally free from the internet.and role playing games. No more internet, no more Buffy, Harry Potter and smut. Please help me God. I am really mistreating my parents and dishonoring God. 

Kicked Out
Around 2 AM last night my mom finally let me into the hotel room so I could sleep on the floor. I've been staying with them for a month. When I woke up they announce they are very concerned about my addiction to role playing games and smut. I don't have employment at this time since hours were cut back at work, a car, or anything. I am so sad.

It's time like these that I regret draining my savings though they have selflessly helped me my entire life

I regret being alive and being addicted to the internet and role playing games. I have wasted my entire life on the internet and it has influenced everything in my life including the way I relate to others. Lust is the plaque of humanity.  Without following Gods commandments you will be lost in darkness with no soul. God help me.and form me into the man you want me to be.

I'm locked out of where I live
I've made it back home after the christian small group I go to. My dad and his car is missing, and my mom  has locked me out of the hotel room we all live in (and i sleep on the floor there). It's past 11PM and I'm getting tired.

My Mommy caught me making a character for a MMORPG and now she and my daddy want to kick me out on to the sidewalk

This is nothing new to me, in 2002 they threatened to kick me out on to the sidewalk if I did not stop watching reruns of Buffy the Vampire Slayer which they reacted to like it was hard-core violent BDSM porn. 

In 2003 they threatened to kick me out into the sidewalk (again) for online MMORPG.

Of course every OTHER person who had ABNORMAL parents in 2002 and 2003 happily watched Buffy the Vampire Slayer, played MMORPGs, and WENT TO LIBERAL COLLEGE that supported the culture of death and now they are all in prison. My parents are only concern for my eternal soul-!!! They have financially taken care of me my entire life and in gratitude  I have been cruel to them because of my severe addiction to Buffy the Vampire Slayer, role playing games.and watching naked people doing bizarre things that will potentially interfere with me ever having a normal relationship and falling in love which make me inapt to relate with people in real life. 

The Virgin and The Older Woman
We meet several weeks ago. She asked me out about two weeks ago and I've been seeing her for about eight days now. This is such an amazing experience that I don't know where to begin. It's harder for me to process good experiences in away that makes for a good journal entry because while bad experiences make me cry out in pain, good experiences satiate me and I don't even feel like writing for them. None the less I shall dig into my emotions for how I feel.

Irish is about five years older then me. I suggest where we should go out on a date, and we go there. Live music outdoors. Art Museum. Crashing a LGBT art party. Comedy Club. Me getting up on stage and becoming a stand up comic for five minutes. Going to a church for late night adoration and not finding the door into  where the Eucharist is.  Watching True Blood together after midnight. Our hands all over each other. Arms, legs. Squeezing, touching, wrapping over each other.

I feel so comfortable with her. She makes every effort to be subservient to me even though she has mentioned that she sometimes is angry at her kids. We can only see each other three times every two weeks. She's also seeing a old time friend of her she was also an old boyfriend even though they've given up on sex ages ago because of his low sex drive. They watch television together. She also has a boyfriend, whose not her boyfriend she says, who she sees about a month she says. She also has a ex-husband she argues with. She's also unemployed, owns a three bedroom condo, is looking for work and has several months of unemployment left. And she pours so much interest into me it's motivated me into start lifting weights again. Maybe when I'm more in shape and have a car of my own I can have better opportunities on the dating arena but from what I've seen with my friends even the cute guys that are well off financially have trouble meeting women in the churches. As one of them put it to me, "They judge you by your looks. Someone handsome guy with body that could play foot ball could do no wrong even if he has the shallowest relationship with God, but if you look different or weird they will eventually haul you into the church office and judge you harshly just based on gossip. You have to dress in fashionable clothing to attract women- at least american apparel t-shirts and tight jeans with paint on them if you want to attract the arty types. Women are still shallow and judge on looks. Confidence can get you so far but... if you can be a spiritual leader this can be an added asset that adds value to them having a relationship with you."

We also share a common interest in true blood, catholicism, cute bunnies, cute kitties, lord of the rings, star wars, cuddling, and going out together.

She's also kind, warm, doesn't judge me, accepts who I am and offers me what she has. This is a better experience of dating and a relationship I've had in my entire life.It's better then what I can expect from other church women as well in my experience. It's been seven years since I was with someone who was open to being sexual with me. I no longer feel malignant and virginal, frustrated and depressed about my relationship status. Admittedly I'm running a risk of HPV if we go further then necking goodbye in the car after she drops me off after our date, but that's why I'm not going too far without testing.

One of my christians mall group leaders last friday prayed for me for a new car. He was like, we pray for him, that he finds what he's looking for. And that he doesn't just get the first car that he finds which can often be a trap but we pray that he gets a new car. That is awesome prayer and I think it might also apply to the relationship I'm in. Is it a trap? It makes me sort of happy for a trap. Maybe I can only fall into the trap if I fall diseased, get her pregnant, or fall in love. One of my friends at that prayer meeting dug for her full name. I gave it to him, not liking him knowing I was dating her. I don't like giving out information to people about vulnerable places in my life.

She's also not a looker, somewhat overweight but thanks to my parents emphasizing me not watching porn I don't judge women too harshly for their looks. I mean if you get everything else you wanted, looks don't matter that much. I was hoping for someone younger, cuter,  more in shape, who wasn't seeing anyone else, and hadn't had more sex partners then me- but I guess those things aren't must haves for going out with someone for me now. Maybe they will be for a wife but I don't know. What sort of relationship can I expect under the current circumstances of my lif?

I Was An Intern (PA) For Hollywood
Wow! What can I say about the experience. It was utterly amazing. It felt like one of the best experiences ever. Sort of like when your a little kid and you want to go to summer camp so bad and when you get there it's not what you expected? Well this is what it is was like if it was just like what you were expecting even better. I help the PA's move stuff around, and other then that we fetched item for crew members. The famous craft services table was absolutely marvelous. There were all kinds of snacks including my favorite dried mangoes and greek yogurt omg. I even got to unleash my inner attention whore when the director asked me to stand-in for the actor and I did- while pretending to be the actor and method acting all over the place while the camera was on me. Hahaha. Oh gosh it was so much fun. And to make it even better, after I left they e-mailed me and told me they would be paying me $100 a day for participating! And I am SO going to put Production Assistant on my resume and try doing this again in the future! It was SO much fun!!!

Age: 31

Health: Fair. Small cough every twenty to ninety minutes, almost no throat discomfort. Possible allergy.

Work: Outdoor physical labor at minimum wage in 91F weather. About six hours a day,  for as many days a week I can work. Seasonal. Goes to weekends only in September/October.

Food: Selection is what can fit into a mini-fridge that I share with two other people. I use a food stamps card in order to purchase food for myself. I also purchase food for my parents as well.

Housing: Currently living in 14 x 14 room with parents. Sleep on two sleeping mats on floor at night. Bonus: pool outside.

Location: Poor. Only gas stations, and my job in walking distance. Bus stop ten minutes away that goes to downtown in about a hour and a half.

Social life: Random, to non existent. I went out twice last week with friends and this week I havn't gone out at all.

Emotions: Stable to generally positive. It's uplifting to live with the parents after the last situation. However my Mom's analytical to borderline personality can make living here occasionally feel almost intolerable.

Current goals: Enter and win video contests with animation, continue writing, work as much as I can at this seasonal job and buy a car this summer, continue developing myself creatively, try to post on friends livejourna/facebook pages more.


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