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The Virgin and The Older Woman
We meet several weeks ago. She asked me out about two weeks ago and I've been seeing her for about eight days now. This is such an amazing experience that I don't know where to begin. It's harder for me to process good experiences in away that makes for a good journal entry because while bad experiences make me cry out in pain, good experiences satiate me and I don't even feel like writing for them. None the less I shall dig into my emotions for how I feel.

Irish is about five years older then me. I suggest where we should go out on a date, and we go there. Live music outdoors. Art Museum. Crashing a LGBT art party. Comedy Club. Me getting up on stage and becoming a stand up comic for five minutes. Going to a church for late night adoration and not finding the door into  where the Eucharist is.  Watching True Blood together after midnight. Our hands all over each other. Arms, legs. Squeezing, touching, wrapping over each other.

I feel so comfortable with her. She makes every effort to be subservient to me even though she has mentioned that she sometimes is angry at her kids. We can only see each other three times every two weeks. She's also seeing a old time friend of her she was also an old boyfriend even though they've given up on sex ages ago because of his low sex drive. They watch television together. She also has a boyfriend, whose not her boyfriend she says, who she sees about a month she says. She also has a ex-husband she argues with. She's also unemployed, owns a three bedroom condo, is looking for work and has several months of unemployment left. And she pours so much interest into me it's motivated me into start lifting weights again. Maybe when I'm more in shape and have a car of my own I can have better opportunities on the dating arena but from what I've seen with my friends even the cute guys that are well off financially have trouble meeting women in the churches. As one of them put it to me, "They judge you by your looks. Someone handsome guy with body that could play foot ball could do no wrong even if he has the shallowest relationship with God, but if you look different or weird they will eventually haul you into the church office and judge you harshly just based on gossip. You have to dress in fashionable clothing to attract women- at least american apparel t-shirts and tight jeans with paint on them if you want to attract the arty types. Women are still shallow and judge on looks. Confidence can get you so far but... if you can be a spiritual leader this can be an added asset that adds value to them having a relationship with you."

We also share a common interest in true blood, catholicism, cute bunnies, cute kitties, lord of the rings, star wars, cuddling, and going out together.

She's also kind, warm, doesn't judge me, accepts who I am and offers me what she has. This is a better experience of dating and a relationship I've had in my entire life.It's better then what I can expect from other church women as well in my experience. It's been seven years since I was with someone who was open to being sexual with me. I no longer feel malignant and virginal, frustrated and depressed about my relationship status. Admittedly I'm running a risk of HPV if we go further then necking goodbye in the car after she drops me off after our date, but that's why I'm not going too far without testing.

One of my christians mall group leaders last friday prayed for me for a new car. He was like, we pray for him, that he finds what he's looking for. And that he doesn't just get the first car that he finds which can often be a trap but we pray that he gets a new car. That is awesome prayer and I think it might also apply to the relationship I'm in. Is it a trap? It makes me sort of happy for a trap. Maybe I can only fall into the trap if I fall diseased, get her pregnant, or fall in love. One of my friends at that prayer meeting dug for her full name. I gave it to him, not liking him knowing I was dating her. I don't like giving out information to people about vulnerable places in my life.

She's also not a looker, somewhat overweight but thanks to my parents emphasizing me not watching porn I don't judge women too harshly for their looks. I mean if you get everything else you wanted, looks don't matter that much. I was hoping for someone younger, cuter,  more in shape, who wasn't seeing anyone else, and hadn't had more sex partners then me- but I guess those things aren't must haves for going out with someone for me now. Maybe they will be for a wife but I don't know. What sort of relationship can I expect under the current circumstances of my lif?


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